Searching For Jim

1.
‘Can you hear me?’

I blinked but refused to open my eyes completely.

‘I know you’re awake.’

I really did not want to wake up as I felt warm and very comfortable where I was – that dozing moment before you wake up after a really good Sunday morning lie in.

‘How do you feel?’

The persistent voice intruded so, at last, I opened my eyes.

A woman with shoulder length dark hair with lines of grey through it, smiled nervously at me, her eyes wide behind a large pair of black rimmed glasses. A gold chain with a small cameo broach hung around her slender throat.

The fact she was dressed in a white coat with a stethoscope hanging from her neck brought me up with a jolt!

She’s a doctor!

I’m in a hospital?

‘Relax,’ she said softly and then asked again, ‘How do you feel?’

‘I’m…I’m ok – I…I think,’ I replied cautiously, blinking.

Completely disoriented, I looked down at myself – I was in a bed – and wearing a light blue hospital gown.

Definitely hospital! I’m a patient in a hospital.

For the first time, I noticed that there were others in the room. There were people in white coats standing behind the woman who had just asked how I was and I squinted to try to make them out. I thought they were all female, although I couldn’t see all of them.

What’s wrong with my eyes?

‘Can you see?’

The woman doctor – I assumed she was a doctor – asked and her voice was soft and gentle– concerned.

I licked my lips.

‘It’s a bit blurry,’ I said softly, running my fingers through my hair, pushing it back off my forehead as I tried to understand my surroundings.

Where am I?

What am I doing here?

What happened?

‘We’ll check your eyes later,’ the woman said. ‘Apart from that, how are you feeling?’

‘I’m…I’m a little thirsty.’

‘Of course.’

She turned and signalled to someone in the group behind her and a young woman hurried to pour water from a silver jug into a glass.

‘Thanks,’ I said, giving her an anxious smile. I took a long sip and the water tasted wonderful - crisp and clean.

I took another mouthful and, as I drank, I used the time to try to understand what had happened and where I was. My head was spinning and I was confused and a little frightened. The frightening thing was that I couldn’t remember!

Did I have an accident or something?

‘Do you remember me?’

I turned and looked at the woman and stared at her for a moment. Seemingly, everyone in the room held their breath.

Was she familiar?

Desperately, I searched my mind for memories, trying to remember anything!

‘No,’ I said after a moment, ‘I’m afraid, I don’t remember you.’

I sensed that my answer was disappointing to the woman as well as the group as I felt an inaudible sigh of disappointment rustling through them.

‘Am I supposed to remember you?’ I asked softly, desperate for any information, and the woman smiled brightly.

‘I’m Hester Scott,’ she said, carefully avoiding my question.

Again, she waited for her name to register. I blinked at her, trying to sort through my Swiss cheese mind, wishing I could remember her name but I could not.

‘Sorry,’ I said sadly, guessing they were waiting for my answer, ‘that doesn’t ring a bell either.’

‘Do you remember your name?’

It was a male voice from the back of the room and I squinted past Hester as a man stepped forward so I could see him.

A bald man – I think he shaved his head – in a white coat stepped forward. He was gruff and I saw Hester give him a little frown.

My own name – I should remember that!

I tried to think and, again, everyone seemed to hold their breath - waiting.

‘No,’ I said at last, afraid again, ‘I can’t remember. What has happened to me? Was I in an accident?’

‘Yes,’ Hester said brightly, shooting the man a warning frown, ‘you were in an accident of sorts but you are fine now.’

‘But…but I can’t remember anything,’ I stuttered, ‘I can’t remember my name! What has happened to me?’

Dangerously close to a full bout of tears, I sniffled against the back of my hand as the implications of my situation engulfed me emotionally. Hester moved quickly to slip an arm around my shoulders.

‘You have temporary amnesia…’

‘Amnesia? Do I really have amnesia?’

‘Yes…’

‘Temporary? You mean I’ll get my memory back?’

‘We think so,’ she said carefully.

‘I mean,’ I wailed, ‘I can’t remember my name! My name! Do you know it? What is my name?’

They all exchanged concerned glances. Again, they all seemed to hold their breath.

Hester said carefully, ‘it’s Norah.’

‘Norah?’

More glances and Hester seemed a little nervous.

‘Yes.’

‘Norah,’ I repeated, tasting it in my mouth. ‘No,’ I said after a moment, ‘it doesn’t sound familiar. Are you sure?’

‘Yes,’ she said, looking quickly around, ‘I’m sure it will become familiar.’

‘But…but it doesn’t feel right…’

‘Is there a name that feels right?’ Hester asked softly, watching me intently, and I tried to think.

Something nudged the edges of my mind but I could not nail it down; some thing or some one drifting on the edges of my addled mind.

‘No,’ I answered, ‘no other name. Norah sounds…I don’t know, different?’

‘I’m sure you will get used to it again in time,’ Hester said. ‘Now,’ she added in a bright voice, ‘I expect you’d love a bath!’

She turned and gestured to some women in pale blue uniforms who purposefully moved forward.

The bald man studied me for a long moment and then quietly left the room.



2.

The bath was lovely and I emerged feeling fresh and clean. Wrapped in a towel, I stared at my face in the mirror, trying to remember.

Is that me?

It was like looking at a stranger’s face! And that was exceptionally weird!

I mean, this is my face! I should know it backward and yet it appeared almost foreign.

Critically, I examined my face, trying to see something that would appear familiar. It felt peculiar to be searching what was supposed to be my own face for familiar marks. The face seemed new, a face that was unfamiliar, almost a stranger!

Angular face with a nose that was a little too long for it to be glamorous and my dark hair was short and curly, coming to just above my shoulders. Eyes dark brown and my eyebrows thick and bushy while my lips were full and unfamiliar. There was a small spot – a birthmark – on my left cheek near the corner of my mouth. My reaction to that birthmark was strange, almost surprise as if I was just discovering the mark!

My fingers shook as I lightly touched the birthmark and nose lightly.

I stepped back and looked hard at the mirror.

I’m not tall, beautiful or glamorous but, above all, it doesn’t feel like me!

The face in the mirror does not look familiar at all! I don’t feel it is me!

It was suddenly terrifying! Would I ever get my memory back, would I see myself in the mirror?

One of the nurses, who had helped me with the bath, poked her head around the door.

‘Everything all right, sweetie?’

‘Yes,’ I said slowly, ‘just trying to remember.’

‘It’ll come back,’ she reassured, ‘it usually does. Now, we have some clothes for you. I expect you would like to be out of the hospital gown. It can be draughty!’

I smiled ruefully at that and followed her into the room.

‘I’m Joni, by the way,’ she said, busy taking clothes from a bag.

I smiled at her and then frowned.

‘I can’t remember stuff, Joni,’ I said worriedly.

She immediately turned and I saw concern in her eyes.

‘I know,’ Joni said quietly, ‘as Doctor Scott said, you have amnesia.’

‘I know,’ I said worriedly, ‘but I can’t remember simple stuff!’ I flicked my curly hair. ‘I can’t remember how to do my hair, for goodness sakes!’

Joni blinked, glanced away for a moment and then smiled brightly.

‘I’ll help you and show you if you like? Luckily, your hair is not overly long. It’s shortish like mine and easy to look after, especially with those tight curls of yours.’

Joni glanced around and I suddenly guessed hidden cameras were watching us.

Why?

‘Yes,’ I said, forcing a smile, ‘please show me. I’m afraid I’ve forgotten everything!’

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